Horror down Roxanne’s Alley.

Wardrobe dept was really against all the women tonight! From Christine’s wig, to Shannon’s dress, to Kristy’s Betty-Boopish hairstyle, it seems as Adam’s comment that someone upstairs in the Wardrobe department had it against the women may be on target. The innuendo regarding the hotness all around was also in high gear tonight. But let us comment on the dancing.

Marlee Matlin was great! Her jive did make her seem light on her feet. She wants to win! We want to see her a lot further. Good kicks, good moves, great expressions. Her shoulders seem to not always be right, but she can certainly improve that too!

Steve Guttenberg came out to dance, and it almost seemed that he came out, period! Anna Trebinskaya was sick, and her husband made Steve get some manly moves. A couple that worked, but we hope not the beginning of a trend. Steve looked a little mad to be dancing with Anna, more than the aggressive Tango warranted. He did well, however, despite the fact that Anna did not seem pleased by his comments. Chemical fallout in the future?

Christian de la Fuente got to partner with a Sea Lion, the oddest couple by far. Well, as we said last week, he was not relating to Cheryl, so we guess she was sending him a message: “You are not dancing with a fat barking loudmouth with fish breath! Either you look at me and smile or you go back to the icy water!” He listened. It was much better. Incredible energy, he related, he smiled, he danced, and we all had fun. It was good. Like Cheryl said: “si, si, si!”

Mario’s schedule evidently took a toll on his Tango dancing. Five cities in five days or so, it showed on the show. Knees seemed to knock, feet flew in different directions when they should not have. That dreadful version of Roxanne by the band did not help either! Step it up Mario! Take it seriously and have some dance fun. His expression was better than Steve’s though. And Bruno likes him!

Shannon Elizabeth must have one of the worst dresses ever, hiding all that she is about, highlighting instead her middle in a fat sort of way. She did kick some out there, though. Again, a great choreography set up by Derek (these Hough kids are smart!), enough to bring them both down to the floor. I guess after last season’s scare and fall by Marie Osmond, the stars have been told to sit if they have to! Tom Bergeron seemed to like it a bit and got flustered also, even when he wasn’t kicking it up! A 900 number Tom?

Adam Carolla came out dancing. Not the best Tango but commendable. He is not getting any votes from Utah, or the gay vote either! He is too wickedly funny to leave us soon: pimps and prostitutes? “This chick can dance”? (referring to himself). An entertainer he is, lets hope he can dance on for a few more weeks. Re Julianne’s horror makeup, dress and wig: eeww!

Marissa Jaret Winokur was mechanical, and seems to have low self-esteem. She looked like she was going to cry when judged. But really, the number was not challenging, low energy, it did not exploit her personality. She may be the one to go this week. Actually, she should be the one gone.

Priscilla Presley’s dress at first seemed like it was from a costume shop in Transylvania, but it worked! Her stiffened face belies her flexible attitude. She needs to keep her butt in a little: straighten up lady! Before she danced we thought she might be a candidate for leaving. She is not! Great performance. With Len’s comment to Priscilla regarding that “he approached you and you swatted him away as if saying ‘don’t touch what you cannot afford’” he capped the storyline regarding P&Ps, 900 numbers and Mormon teachings…

What happened, Jason Taylor? The Jive is supposed to be fast, but we suppose if you are that big, fast movements look as if they are in slow motion. It is not about dance, stop, pose, dance, stop, pose. No matter how gorgeous you are! It’s about dance, dance, dance! We guess the pose part is what Bruno was referring to when he said he has ballet lines. He is not leaving, but he has to kick it up a notch.

Not much to say about Kristy Yamaguchi. Safe (too safe?), clean (too clean?). We hated the hair but loved, LOVED, the shoes! Read rhinestones all over! As wicked as Adam Carolla!

Adam really cannot dance much, but he’s so much fun that makes up for it. Please, keep him! And Steven should also stay. But please don't have them both, Adam and Steven, dancing together... Or maybe do! If it's for the good of the show, we will take it! Marissa should be out tonight.