Oh what a night! Some animals, strong men and bulls for sure, some swans—perhaps dying—a proxy black steed on a single wheel. We did miss the kittenish Presley in this Animal House. And for the first time ever, we totally disagree with the judges. An almost perfect score for Jason Taylor’s swan moves? Are you kidding us? If there is something that we really like about this show is that it shows manly men dancing like manly men, with grace, but as strong men. Jason’s waltz was too girly for our taste and somebody should have called him on that! Pardon us all Jason’s fans, which, by the way, we also are… he is certainly 100% masculine, and this wasn’t his fault, but we need to point out the truth here: The judges were too easy on him and should have noticed that his arms and hands were not appropriate for a man. What is happening with our favorite dance judges?
Kristy Yamaguchi is definitely opening up, great performance. Not skating anymore but still with a bit of problems with her turnout. Len’s comments about her being too similar from week to week just belie her technical proficiency, making every dance she undertakes nearly flawless. Well deserved 10s. The judges seem to agree with our first comments in this blog when we argued that having such a highly skilled technical dancer raises the bar for everyone.
Oh, Priscilla’s turquoise eyes look dreamy and swirly, with a certain purry animal magnetism that she could perhaps have shared occasionally with her partner Louis. She swirled and swayed. Carrie Ann and Len penalized her today for the unforgivable lift that is a no-no. We couldn’t help to pair the sin of her dance lift tonight with that of her face lift that, since day one, has also seemed unforgivable.
Adam Carolla could not be on a real horse but brought along a Toronado Unicycle (to match his unibrow?). Unfortunately his dancing ability got unmasked at the end, revealing the real persona: a poor man’s Diego de la Vega with two left feet—no Antonio Banderas here! After Adam opened his mouth with a funny salacious reference once again, it was Julianne who got her S word bleeped! Adam, as much as we liked your comedic ability, we expect and hope that your dancing career got to an end tonight. Adam, we think you did lose it tonight.
Marlee Matlin’s performance was not especially memorable, but it was adequate. No question about it, she can dance and Bruno finds it remarkable given her handicap. No question about it, her posture needs fixing: open the chest, straighten the shoulders, “bring in the bum”. No question about it, she should not go home. Heck, she made Carrie Ann cry! And we guess that if you make her cry, you get a better score than if you make her laugh. Fabian’s wild monkey scream made it worth it.
After all the previous dances, except Kristy’s, Mario and Karina’s routine was a breath of fresh air. Wild and fine, rehearsal hours paid off, as they do for all dancers. Bruno definitely likes Mario, Len is ambivalent, but he does have old clothes: apparently. Mario just recently can be legally drunk, and Len’s underpants apparently are too! Seeing Karina get lifted, both during rehearsal and during the routine, makes us think once again, what lift were the judges penalizing Priscilla for, after all?
Treat her like a lady, not be like a lady. So, according to Len, Jason Taylor has gone from rooster to feather duster to swan. The problem is, we don’t like to see men dancing as swans! Jason should be getting tips from previous DWTS winner and football legend Emmit Smith, not some loser Knight that dubs him “Sir Dancealot”. His score was way higher than he deserved, furthermore on account of his stumble.
And then, after bulls and swans a zillion, we finally got our Matador! The real Zorro/Diego de la Vega-Christian de la Fuente-was unmasked! We really want this one to be the Encore tomorrow. And not just because Christian was the closest to Antonio as we have had, but also because Cheryl was the dream of a Latex fetishist come true…or gone wild! We have always loved Cheryl, and she went all out tonight. Encore! Encore! Encore!
Romeo and Juliet… rather, Shannon Elizabeth and Derek Hough: What a beautiful performance! Shannon Elizabeth was the epitome of youthful grace, and Derek, wow! This is what we mean by the difference between a swanish girlie man and a man dancing ballroom like a man! If you Tivoed this show just watch these two waltzes against each other and you’ll see what we mean. Or go to abc.com and download these two dances. Look at Jason’s arms and compare them with Derek’s. Big difference here. We know, we are comparing a professional with an untrained dancer, but our point is that the judges should have said something about Jason’s upper body…!
Marissa danced without smiling, and it was good! A substantial improvement. She should survive tonight. Backstage she said “I never felt so light in my life!”. Yes, her feet were kicking high, she was lifted and she has, obviously and remarkably, lost lots of weight since the show began, Her fate is on voters hands and she is at a disadvantage, being the last to dance, when many voters may have already spent all of their nine votes. We expect, if all is fair, Adam to leave. Bye, Adam—see you in The Man Show! Julianne will go on, 9 to 5.
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